With two storms - a bit of ice and snow and a lot of freezing rain, the winter wonderland outside my front door is a total hazard. In an effort to ensure that the postman or anyone else walking on my walkway doesn't fall, I had to get out there and clean it up. It's interesting - I could have gotten out the shovel yesterday, but just really didn't feel like it. I was hoping that the sun would come out and melt the ice away. Alas it was a balmy 25 degrees today and so all of the ice was stil there.
It took me most of the day (I guess really almost two) to get up the energy to get out there, but I finally put my boots on and headed out to conquer the ice. After I got outside, it really wasn't bad. While it was a little chilly, the sun was shining, I was actually getting a little exercise for my poor flabby arms and in no time, I had cleared a neat path for the mailman and for me to get to/from the house.
I go through this whole story because it is exactly what we need to do before going into the New Year. We need to break out the shovel. Most people start the New Year with resolutions about what they are going to do differently - eat right, lose weight, work less, call friends more often. But there is little thought to what needs to be cleared away first to make that change. What barriers stand in your way of accomplishing your goals?
So you want to work less in 2008 - you've got two more weeks to prepare for that transition. Just like that ice on my stoop is not going to magically go away so I can get my mail, your work responsibilities aren't just going to diminish. So what do you have to do in the next 14 days to enable you to begin 2008 on the path toward realizing your goal. Do you need to take an inventory of your projects and figure out what the priorities are, what can be delegated and what can be postponed? Do you need to look at how you are spending your time to determine if there is another more efficient way to allocate it?
Setting a goal is relatively easy, but setting yourself up to acheive that goal will send you out of 2007 on a very high note. Actively shovel the walkway so that you can head down a cleared path and begin the New Year with a real commitment to achieving your resolutions.
Just Say Thanks?
Do you have colleagues that send e-mails with demands masked as requests. "I need you to do this by the end of the day". Or my favorite...the e-mails flagged as high importance. As if their emergency has anything to do with me - you waited until the last minute and now you want me to disrupt my schedule to accommodate you. Oh and you think it's ok, because you put the "THANKS!" or even better "thx" at the end of the message.
Can you tell it's a pet peeve of mine? I would love it if I could change the way that those folks communicate and make requests, but generally I can't. I can only control my communications and not be THAT person who makes ill-mannered requests.
So...how not to be that person...
1. Consider calling the person first or walking to their office. In person requests can be a little bit more personal. E-mail can leave too much to interpretation. Also when you call or speak directly with someone, you can gauge what else he/she has on their plate and where your request falls on the priority list.
2. Use some of your momma's home training (if you didn't get it, Ms. Frances has enough for the both of us). Iff you really need to make a last minute request (even if it's not your fault that it's late), ask, don't tell. While it may be of no real consequence to you, asking versus demanding really does make the other person feel better.
3. Finally, try to limit last minute requests. You don;t want to get the reputation that you are always late; or better still you don't want folks to stop accommodating your requests. You may find that folks have ready made excuses when they see you coming...
So what to do when you get another *&^% last minute request (particularly through e-mail):
1. Close the e-mail, close your eyes, breathe in and out, then open the e-mail again. You have to make sure that the negative energy and frustration doesn't overtake you. Try to consider how you would react if your best friend made the request. Please believe - this is the toughest one for me!
2. Try to set boundaries about your schedule and timeline. You may have to suck it up this time, but consider how you can let others know how best to make requests and your ideal timeline for completion.
3. Clarify expectations. When you get the request, don't just go off to the races to get the project or task done. Make sure you clearly understand what is being asked of you, because if it's a last minute request, you probably have no time to waste. Last thing you need is to rush through something with muddied expectations, only to find that you've done it incorrectly and you are held responsible for poor outcomes.
Maybe how someone asks for something shouldn't matter...but for me it does; so I know I've got to manage how I react and also ensure that I don't fall into the same traps when I have a tight deadline.
Can you tell it's a pet peeve of mine? I would love it if I could change the way that those folks communicate and make requests, but generally I can't. I can only control my communications and not be THAT person who makes ill-mannered requests.
So...how not to be that person...
1. Consider calling the person first or walking to their office. In person requests can be a little bit more personal. E-mail can leave too much to interpretation. Also when you call or speak directly with someone, you can gauge what else he/she has on their plate and where your request falls on the priority list.
2. Use some of your momma's home training (if you didn't get it, Ms. Frances has enough for the both of us). Iff you really need to make a last minute request (even if it's not your fault that it's late), ask, don't tell. While it may be of no real consequence to you, asking versus demanding really does make the other person feel better.
3. Finally, try to limit last minute requests. You don;t want to get the reputation that you are always late; or better still you don't want folks to stop accommodating your requests. You may find that folks have ready made excuses when they see you coming...
So what to do when you get another *&^% last minute request (particularly through e-mail):
1. Close the e-mail, close your eyes, breathe in and out, then open the e-mail again. You have to make sure that the negative energy and frustration doesn't overtake you. Try to consider how you would react if your best friend made the request. Please believe - this is the toughest one for me!
2. Try to set boundaries about your schedule and timeline. You may have to suck it up this time, but consider how you can let others know how best to make requests and your ideal timeline for completion.
3. Clarify expectations. When you get the request, don't just go off to the races to get the project or task done. Make sure you clearly understand what is being asked of you, because if it's a last minute request, you probably have no time to waste. Last thing you need is to rush through something with muddied expectations, only to find that you've done it incorrectly and you are held responsible for poor outcomes.
Maybe how someone asks for something shouldn't matter...but for me it does; so I know I've got to manage how I react and also ensure that I don't fall into the same traps when I have a tight deadline.
I got your back!
Do you have colleagues on the job who you know will help you out through thick and thin? Who will stay late to help you complete that last minute project? Or who will give you credit in a meeting when the “muckity mucks” in the room? They’ve got your back!
We all need those kinds of friends and we should all be that kind of friend to at least one person. Unfortunately there is a lot of mistrust in the work environment (and in most other places where more then one person exists) and having an ally makes going into the lion’s den a little easier.
At times we don’t support or leverage these relationships in the most fruitful and effective ways. We let them slip into something reminiscence of the cliquey-HS relationships that we had back in the day. It happens to the best of us! So what can we do to ensure that our alliances create more good then harm?
1. Tell your friend when they didn’t do something well. First, this is the true test of the relationship. Praise is wonderful, but that critical feedback may just be what your friend needs to hear to take their performance to the next level – and you may be uniquely positioned to tell them. Just like giving feedback to someone who is not your ally, you want to cite specific examples and talk about the action and how it might have been perceived.
2. Don’t tell your friend ever time another person has slighted them. You definitely want to keep your allies abreast of the landscape so they know the deal, but you don’t want to jade them. You don’t want them to actively distrust everyone and only rely on you for info. This may sound tempting, but as it plays out your ally will begin to have tension with everyone else and everyone else will feel that tension. You may be put in the position to defend your ally, thus getting in the middle of a quagmire.
3. Be honest with others about your friend – even when they haven’t done something well. This one is hard, because no one wants to feel like they are ratting out their friend, but this is work – where people get paid for performance. You cannot lose your credibility or in an extreme case, your job, shielding a colleague that is not performing. Now I implore you to answer questions about your friend tactfully and my approach is to always acknowledge my potential bias as a friend before someone else brings it up.
4. Help others win in their relationships with your friend. Just as you give your friend the inside scoop on how to deal with others in the office, don’t be afraid to coach others on dealing with your friend. Relationships are reciprocal too – even if your friend is amazing at managing them, others may need some help. Don’t be afraid to set those people up for success with your friend. For example, you know that your friend hates when people walk into his office with last minute requests, if you have the opportunity to encourage his colleague to send an e-mail laying out the request and then follow-up in person, then you should share that tidbits. This will put the colleague on notice (even if they don’t change), it might make your friend a little happier and then there is one less situation for you to diffuse.
At the end of the day, this all rests on your genuine desire to reduce drama in the workplace for yourself, your friend and others. If that’s not the case, then ignore everything I just said and acknowledge that you are a friend to no one!
We all need those kinds of friends and we should all be that kind of friend to at least one person. Unfortunately there is a lot of mistrust in the work environment (and in most other places where more then one person exists) and having an ally makes going into the lion’s den a little easier.
At times we don’t support or leverage these relationships in the most fruitful and effective ways. We let them slip into something reminiscence of the cliquey-HS relationships that we had back in the day. It happens to the best of us! So what can we do to ensure that our alliances create more good then harm?
1. Tell your friend when they didn’t do something well. First, this is the true test of the relationship. Praise is wonderful, but that critical feedback may just be what your friend needs to hear to take their performance to the next level – and you may be uniquely positioned to tell them. Just like giving feedback to someone who is not your ally, you want to cite specific examples and talk about the action and how it might have been perceived.
2. Don’t tell your friend ever time another person has slighted them. You definitely want to keep your allies abreast of the landscape so they know the deal, but you don’t want to jade them. You don’t want them to actively distrust everyone and only rely on you for info. This may sound tempting, but as it plays out your ally will begin to have tension with everyone else and everyone else will feel that tension. You may be put in the position to defend your ally, thus getting in the middle of a quagmire.
3. Be honest with others about your friend – even when they haven’t done something well. This one is hard, because no one wants to feel like they are ratting out their friend, but this is work – where people get paid for performance. You cannot lose your credibility or in an extreme case, your job, shielding a colleague that is not performing. Now I implore you to answer questions about your friend tactfully and my approach is to always acknowledge my potential bias as a friend before someone else brings it up.
4. Help others win in their relationships with your friend. Just as you give your friend the inside scoop on how to deal with others in the office, don’t be afraid to coach others on dealing with your friend. Relationships are reciprocal too – even if your friend is amazing at managing them, others may need some help. Don’t be afraid to set those people up for success with your friend. For example, you know that your friend hates when people walk into his office with last minute requests, if you have the opportunity to encourage his colleague to send an e-mail laying out the request and then follow-up in person, then you should share that tidbits. This will put the colleague on notice (even if they don’t change), it might make your friend a little happier and then there is one less situation for you to diffuse.
At the end of the day, this all rests on your genuine desire to reduce drama in the workplace for yourself, your friend and others. If that’s not the case, then ignore everything I just said and acknowledge that you are a friend to no one!
I know more than my boss!
How many of you sit in meetings and cringe when your manager talks about something that they know very little about – in which you might be the expert or at least know more than him/her – or they just get stuff totally wrong? Or there is the manager that has almost no idea what it is that you do all day – so sometime you feel like there is no support or that you manager can not accurately give you a performance review or that your manager might as well not be there at all. My favorite…the manager that consistently underestimates the impact that you have on your team, your clients and/or your organization – because you do your job well, they think you don’t do that much at all.
I’m not going to debate whether your manager is useless or whether you are justified in your opinions. It actually doesn’t matter. In almost all cases, you have no control over who your manager is and thus, get what you get – flaws and all. What we do control is our actions and reactions to our manager! And boy do we react. Many of us, by our demeanor, attitude, our expressions, let our managers know every day what we think of them – you know the look…“you ain’t worth squat”, “I don’t even know why I deal with your incompetence” looks. These reactions – which we employ to let everyone know, that we “know” the deal, that we are in control – seemingly making us feel more powerful, but they actually weaken our position.
You manager is in a position of authority – he may have some personal intimidation toward you, but it’s not general true professional intimidation. They are not worried about losing that next promotion to you, not relying on you to set them up for success. In fact, they generally mean a lot more to your success than you to theirs – particularly when the relationship is challenging. Your manager will get access that you don’t get, enjoy a status or position that you don’t have and I almost forgot, will get to assess your performance - having at least some control over your promotion and compensation within the organization.
As I said, your manager is in a position of authority, but he/she is not necessarily in the strongest position of power and influence. In a perfect world, there is a power equilibrium between you and your manager – you respect each other; she know your value and worth to the organization, she values your contributions and understands your options and prospects inside and out of the company, you appreciate your role within the team and recognize your manager’s “authority” over you in the company, you respect your manager’s business challenges and value her insight in helping you execute your work...Alas, not many of us find ourselves in such utopian circumstances – hence, the power struggle (which by the way, the manager is at an advantage to win).
So what to do…one of my friends, SW, told me once, “Play offense, not defense”. The offensive strategy is the best approach for advancing your career while also maintaining your integrity. It’s a simple idea in theory, but more challenging in practice. Have you had the situation in which your manager takes credit for your work as their own? The defensive strategy might be self-promotion or trying to withhold as many details from your manager so they have to seek you out for information. These strategies actually create tension or make you seem unprepared, for example where you withhold information. On the flip side, the offensive strategy might be to set your manager up for success – give him everything he needs to appear knowledgeable, allow your work to speak for itself. Now let’s be clear the offensive strategizing doesn’t stop at you thoroughly doing your job. That’s just the beginning, but what it does is increase your power and influence – influence over what is coming out of your manager’s mouth, influence over the outcomes and successes of your organization - and can result in more power over your circumstances and in your relationship with your manager.
In defensive strategy scenario, your work and ultimate results may suffer, your integrity may be compromised and your days may be spent reacting to your manager’s comments or actions of the day. While with the offensive strategy, you achieve your results and in part drive your manager’s results, you should be able to sleep better at night knowing that you did what you set out to do on the job and while your manager may not give your just due in term of credit – he can’t bad mouth you and he likely can’t stand squarely in the way of your success.
Try playing offense. It’s actually quite liberating!
I’m not going to debate whether your manager is useless or whether you are justified in your opinions. It actually doesn’t matter. In almost all cases, you have no control over who your manager is and thus, get what you get – flaws and all. What we do control is our actions and reactions to our manager! And boy do we react. Many of us, by our demeanor, attitude, our expressions, let our managers know every day what we think of them – you know the look…“you ain’t worth squat”, “I don’t even know why I deal with your incompetence” looks. These reactions – which we employ to let everyone know, that we “know” the deal, that we are in control – seemingly making us feel more powerful, but they actually weaken our position.
You manager is in a position of authority – he may have some personal intimidation toward you, but it’s not general true professional intimidation. They are not worried about losing that next promotion to you, not relying on you to set them up for success. In fact, they generally mean a lot more to your success than you to theirs – particularly when the relationship is challenging. Your manager will get access that you don’t get, enjoy a status or position that you don’t have and I almost forgot, will get to assess your performance - having at least some control over your promotion and compensation within the organization.
As I said, your manager is in a position of authority, but he/she is not necessarily in the strongest position of power and influence. In a perfect world, there is a power equilibrium between you and your manager – you respect each other; she know your value and worth to the organization, she values your contributions and understands your options and prospects inside and out of the company, you appreciate your role within the team and recognize your manager’s “authority” over you in the company, you respect your manager’s business challenges and value her insight in helping you execute your work...Alas, not many of us find ourselves in such utopian circumstances – hence, the power struggle (which by the way, the manager is at an advantage to win).
So what to do…one of my friends, SW, told me once, “Play offense, not defense”. The offensive strategy is the best approach for advancing your career while also maintaining your integrity. It’s a simple idea in theory, but more challenging in practice. Have you had the situation in which your manager takes credit for your work as their own? The defensive strategy might be self-promotion or trying to withhold as many details from your manager so they have to seek you out for information. These strategies actually create tension or make you seem unprepared, for example where you withhold information. On the flip side, the offensive strategy might be to set your manager up for success – give him everything he needs to appear knowledgeable, allow your work to speak for itself. Now let’s be clear the offensive strategizing doesn’t stop at you thoroughly doing your job. That’s just the beginning, but what it does is increase your power and influence – influence over what is coming out of your manager’s mouth, influence over the outcomes and successes of your organization - and can result in more power over your circumstances and in your relationship with your manager.
In defensive strategy scenario, your work and ultimate results may suffer, your integrity may be compromised and your days may be spent reacting to your manager’s comments or actions of the day. While with the offensive strategy, you achieve your results and in part drive your manager’s results, you should be able to sleep better at night knowing that you did what you set out to do on the job and while your manager may not give your just due in term of credit – he can’t bad mouth you and he likely can’t stand squarely in the way of your success.
Try playing offense. It’s actually quite liberating!
Being Real
During the last 24 hours, I've been thinking about what I am trying to accomplish in this blog and ultimately what I am actually going to write! I have so much to say (I'm a talker!), but with the computer in front of me last night, I sort of froze up. Ideas came to my head, but just seemed unworthy to send out into cyberspace so I just closed my laptop and figured I would try again tomorrow.
So today is tomorrow and I still feel like I am in the same spot, but I'm determined to write something this morning. I think this actually relates well to professional development and to applying to business school - lots of people talk a good game about what they are going to do, how they are different, but when the rubber meets the road, when no one is looking, there is no movement - just a blank page. This is the foundation for unrealized goals - not starting down the path, but rather just talking about what one would do.
As one of my good friends, OBW, always used to say "Don't Talk About It, Be About It". So I am going to try to live that and just WRITE. Some of it may not be compelling, or may be a stretch, but it's a start down the path. So what is the path you might ask?
I want to share what I know about professional development and about applying to graduate school with interested individuals. I am particularly focused on Blacks and Hispanics, 18-28 years old. All are welcome to read and my information is pretty universal, but in the spirit of keeping it real, I believe my path is to:
- help Black/Brown people become aware of their full potential and find channels for reaching their goals,
- help everyone else understand how capable and talented we are, and
- be famous (can I keep it real? I really do want to be famous. Sounds a little crazy, huh? But I do...not necessarily Oprah famous or TMZ infamous, but you know, a little following. I'll have to delve more into that at another time).
I'm off. Have a great day.
So today is tomorrow and I still feel like I am in the same spot, but I'm determined to write something this morning. I think this actually relates well to professional development and to applying to business school - lots of people talk a good game about what they are going to do, how they are different, but when the rubber meets the road, when no one is looking, there is no movement - just a blank page. This is the foundation for unrealized goals - not starting down the path, but rather just talking about what one would do.
As one of my good friends, OBW, always used to say "Don't Talk About It, Be About It". So I am going to try to live that and just WRITE. Some of it may not be compelling, or may be a stretch, but it's a start down the path. So what is the path you might ask?
I want to share what I know about professional development and about applying to graduate school with interested individuals. I am particularly focused on Blacks and Hispanics, 18-28 years old. All are welcome to read and my information is pretty universal, but in the spirit of keeping it real, I believe my path is to:
- help Black/Brown people become aware of their full potential and find channels for reaching their goals,
- help everyone else understand how capable and talented we are, and
- be famous (can I keep it real? I really do want to be famous. Sounds a little crazy, huh? But I do...not necessarily Oprah famous or TMZ infamous, but you know, a little following. I'll have to delve more into that at another time).
I'm off. Have a great day.
Welcome
Welcome to my very first blog! This is my first foray into the technology age, so bare with me!
So I started this blog for two reasons. One, cause I have a lot of random stuff in my head that I just gotta get out - I've got to make some room for other data! And two, because some of the stuff is actually relatively useful - so maybe someone else might be able to get some use out it.
I'm going to talk about what I know - and maybe a little bit of stuff that I don't know (that would be my prerogative, right?) Business School Application Process, Professional Development for young people...I hope you find it interesting.
So I started this blog for two reasons. One, cause I have a lot of random stuff in my head that I just gotta get out - I've got to make some room for other data! And two, because some of the stuff is actually relatively useful - so maybe someone else might be able to get some use out it.
I'm going to talk about what I know - and maybe a little bit of stuff that I don't know (that would be my prerogative, right?) Business School Application Process, Professional Development for young people...I hope you find it interesting.
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