I got your back!

Do you have colleagues on the job who you know will help you out through thick and thin? Who will stay late to help you complete that last minute project? Or who will give you credit in a meeting when the “muckity mucks” in the room? They’ve got your back!
We all need those kinds of friends and we should all be that kind of friend to at least one person. Unfortunately there is a lot of mistrust in the work environment (and in most other places where more then one person exists) and having an ally makes going into the lion’s den a little easier.

At times we don’t support or leverage these relationships in the most fruitful and effective ways. We let them slip into something reminiscence of the cliquey-HS relationships that we had back in the day. It happens to the best of us! So what can we do to ensure that our alliances create more good then harm?
1. Tell your friend when they didn’t do something well. First, this is the true test of the relationship. Praise is wonderful, but that critical feedback may just be what your friend needs to hear to take their performance to the next level – and you may be uniquely positioned to tell them. Just like giving feedback to someone who is not your ally, you want to cite specific examples and talk about the action and how it might have been perceived.

2. Don’t tell your friend ever time another person has slighted them. You definitely want to keep your allies abreast of the landscape so they know the deal, but you don’t want to jade them. You don’t want them to actively distrust everyone and only rely on you for info. This may sound tempting, but as it plays out your ally will begin to have tension with everyone else and everyone else will feel that tension. You may be put in the position to defend your ally, thus getting in the middle of a quagmire.

3. Be honest with others about your friend – even when they haven’t done something well. This one is hard, because no one wants to feel like they are ratting out their friend, but this is work – where people get paid for performance. You cannot lose your credibility or in an extreme case, your job, shielding a colleague that is not performing. Now I implore you to answer questions about your friend tactfully and my approach is to always acknowledge my potential bias as a friend before someone else brings it up.

4. Help others win in their relationships with your friend. Just as you give your friend the inside scoop on how to deal with others in the office, don’t be afraid to coach others on dealing with your friend. Relationships are reciprocal too – even if your friend is amazing at managing them, others may need some help. Don’t be afraid to set those people up for success with your friend. For example, you know that your friend hates when people walk into his office with last minute requests, if you have the opportunity to encourage his colleague to send an e-mail laying out the request and then follow-up in person, then you should share that tidbits. This will put the colleague on notice (even if they don’t change), it might make your friend a little happier and then there is one less situation for you to diffuse.

At the end of the day, this all rests on your genuine desire to reduce drama in the workplace for yourself, your friend and others. If that’s not the case, then ignore everything I just said and acknowledge that you are a friend to no one!